Farewell Mona Lisa

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

last post was in january the 20th to be exact and it doesnt take a mathematician to work out that was kinda a while ago anyway on with the games!

Since most of what ive played has been either multiplayer or shit it narrows what i can talk about today so ive decided to pick four games two on xbox 360 although ones a multi format i just happen to have it on 360 and two ps3 exclusives (Guess which two).

Right so on xbox i played Mass effect 2 and Borderlands the latter you may remember i tried ages ago and decided it was shit however on a second try i loved it and got rather addicted to it.

Mass effect 2 to anyone who doesnt know is a epic sc fi adventure plotting the career of Commander Shepard of the human navy, and his struggle against the threat of the ancient robot alien race called the reapers who wanna bring all kinds of mad shit to the galaxy and whos end game can be summed up by the motto of "if it moves kill it". This being the 2nd installment it carrys on from the first game and has the mega cool idea of choices and events from the 1st game have an affect on the 2nd and 3rd (Yet unannounced) game. The main bulk of the game is missions to recruit your team of specialists to storm a collector's (Alien race working for the reapers) HQ, now the first game was a fairly deep rpg with fuck loads of weapons and armour for you party to wear and use, and in this respect the 2nd game is striped down to about 16 weapons and only Shepard's armour being changed however while it will annoy the hardcore fans (what doesnt) it personnally liked the streamlined approch to the game made it easier to keep track of things. The combat is now more gears of warish and more action based and a hell of a lot of fun A.I teammates are now effective in combat and covered and save my ass a few times during the lengthy game, Romance is also a big part to this game as it seems Shepard will try to get his cock or clung (gender choices all the rage nowadays) round or in anyone he meets which is rather amusing to witness and chatting up the slutty crew member called kelly became a favourite pass time of mine. The games amazing with great visuals and its ability to draw you in so much i shed a tear why my favorite crew member died towards the end, its hard to explain how great the game is so just go buy it.

Borders as i now lovingly call borderlands is possibly the most fun ive had for a long time on a game, 1 part shooter 1 part mmorgp and 1 part humor make this a really enjoyable romp though a desert world called pandora looking for a vault which holds untold rewards to anyone who finds it. You start as a weak bounty hunter and grow stronger during the course of the game by obtaining experience from doing quests and making murder happen but make no mistakes the game is punishing ignore the recommend level for each mission and get ready to fail a lot. The game also works in coop and is a lot of fun although brick hard if your on your 2nd play-though, theres a fair bit of dlc out for it too and its mostly very good so its worth getting that also. A really good game if you can get into it and even more fun with friends worth a buy.

Ps3 time and the games in question (to the suprise of nobody) Heavy rain and God of War 3 ill start with Heavy rain i think.

Heavy rain is (long pause) an interactive cut scene about 4 linked people and how there lives are affected by the actions of a serial killer the origami killer, we have a loving father searching for his son an FBI officer searching for a killer a private investigator searching for the same killer and a reporter and old female character searching for clothes that stay on her body. The game basically plays with u moving around by holding r2 and then moving the right thumb stick of shaking the controller to perform actions most of the time this works fine although i had a few times where the game just didn't recognize the way i moved the controller which made decsions that i didn't want to make, speaking of decsions the games advertisements claim every choice changes the game but talking to friends who played the game everything we did sounded like things still happend and played out the same way i understand this is trying to sell the game to people but i ended up disappointed at it. The plot is kinda messy also with things not really making a lot of sense in the long run of the game the identity of the killer is really poor and felt like a tacked on plot device to shock people also the FBI agents wild stabs in the dark that always seem to be right on the money and no matter what you do certain characters will not die, seriously i got the private investigator shot like 9 times and tied in a car at the bottom of a lake which i simply let flood only to find him on the riverbank. Overall i enjoyed the game but its not quite the masterpiece the ps3 reviewers would have you believe, a lot of fun but in the end its flawed although well done to the developers for trying something new if they do another game of this type it could be a masterpiece for sure.

God of War 3 is however a masterpiece this is for me the best game ive played on the ps3 or xbox for that matter since i got oblivion years ago.

I kinda unsure where to start with this game i could talk about the simply break taking visuals which put every game of this type to shame (dantes inferno and its ps2 engine wishes it looked like this) and many other games to shame also possible the finest visuals on a console or i could talk about the tight as fuck fighting system and the brutality of the game Kratos it seemed saved his best for last. The plot is basically a big quest for revenge by Kratos against the gods of olympus (not the camera company) to avenge his family that he was tricked into killing before becoming a pawn for the gods. while playing the game you will come across many gods from Zeus the main bad guy to Hermes and Hades who Kratos destroys in turn in some of the most horrific ways to ever grace video games or indeed cinema its that brutal. Not a great deal has changed in terms of game play since the first game but if it aint broke why fix it when a games this well made and this tight already a simple tweak is all thats needed this is simply the finest hardcore release since granny go wild 4 it screams must buy and is genuinely worth owning a ps3 for!

Thats it till next time when ever that will be, Sackboy says hi and wants me to remind you that the god of war little big planet dlc is epic and quite possibly the best thing you could ever buy.

Much love Raz7el

Oh what a loverly tea party!

"Holy bad games blogger and the revenge of not writing a fucking thing batman" Robin said
"Shut the fuck up robin no one even likes you" Shouted batman.

Right i didnt blog for a couple of weeks ive been busy and needed some games to play to talk about and get asked to leave a GAME store. Anyway on to the games this last couple of weeks ive played Uncharted 2 (Uc2), Bayonetta (Ass) and ive begun Darksiders (Ds) and Dragon age (Da) ive added shorter names for each game so i dont have to keep typing them if anyones unsure why ive put ass for ass play it and find out.

Uc2 is fantastic to quote Frank ive covered wars you know West everything about the game is class set peice after set peice and some sexual inuendo whats not to love well nothing infact except for the couple of bastard annoying parts. The game is one part Tomb Raider and three parts Gears of War basically the game follows a simple rountine of shoot jump shoot puzzle and drake the main character making a comment about the rear end of one of the female companions who follow him around anywhere he goes. If the game was a movie it would be a summer blockbuster with the set peices buildings collapsing with you in them and train rides though the mountains with helicopters for company. However the annoying parts when they come mad me want to tear my hair out the last boss springs to mind it makes no sence to me that a game developer would make something that annoying and put it in there fine game. I did enjoy it and showed my what the ps3 is capable of more games like this will really go some way to making the ps3 seem like a good gaming console and not just a blu ray player that you can download ps1 games to.

Ass is all about the ass frankly every shot is of bayonetta's (fuck) ass this is somewhat distracting i would think if your 15 years old and have never been laid sadly i have been laid so i just spent time wondering why women i know dont look like bayonetta (fuck). The game plays great like devil may cry without a blond emo guy moaning all the time but a little more fast paced and is all about you abilty to dodge and counter with a huge amout of combos some that reduce the woman in questions clothes to disapear. The story is standard of this type of game cant remember your past slay angels and make sexual comments ride a missle like its a hige spunking cock. The game is punishing to the extreme make a mistake and expect to end up dead fast although stylishly. While i enjoyed the game i spent most of my time wondering is this it all you do is walk kill walk some more boss fight and the mini game I.E riding that cock i mean missle sadly the mini game parts are shit and really ruined the game for me dont fit well into the game and are to hard for there own good none in the sequal please. Its really good when its good which makes the bad parts seem even worse but its well worth playing.

DA is epic ive spend 14 hours on it so far and have barely started ive done loads of quest killed loads of monster but im yet to get the lesbian rogue into my bed i will tho and you will hear about it dont worry. The game plays like kotor but in the middle ages you make a character choose a class and get adventuring, moral choices are the in thing atm (even army of two is doing it BANDWAGON) are you good bad or a mix of both, but they have tried something different here making you choices affect both the quests and your team mates who have there own agendas and morals burn the church and gain the evil and hard as fuck warriors approval but lose the soft as shit pansy mans approval wait that wasnt a hard choice but you get the idea. You can lose yourself in a game like this and im sure many will bioware are masters of this type of rpg and but be warned anyone who signs up for this quest it will eat up your life.

DS is being described as Legand of Zelda with better combat but to me it feels more like Legacy of Kain the soul reaver games in particular and i have to say i love it, having just started the game theres not loads i can say other than at the moment im really enjoying it the character model of War is ace big and hard as fuck looking with enough detail to make you simply walk around and pan the camera 360 degrees round him just admiring the developers work. Ill write more next time when ive got more to say but right now im expecting big things from this although the combats not upto Bayonetta its a lot simpler and easy to get into.

Thats it for now thanks for reading dont wank to hard to bayonetta it makes it harder to play the game see you guys later.

Sackboy rules ok!